Re: [Adonthell-general] Updates

[Kai Sterker]

On Sat, 20 Jul 2002 00:25:13 -0500 (CDT) Andrew Michael Phillips wrote:

> I've done some more work on the dragon and fang document. Unless there
> are things that need to be fixed, it's ready for public consumption.

Perfect. The beginning of the final paragraph seems a little odd to me,
but I might be wrong. 


> I've also revised the Human creation myth somewhat
> 
> http://endor.hsutx.edu/~cptlogic/adonthell/humanorigins.html

Since I'm at it, there are a few things I spotted.

In one paragraph you wrote 'three' instead of 'tree'. 

Further down:
"To them she gave the love of music and the making of songs, therefore
her they most revere who gave the birds their songs and the beasts their
voices."

I wonder whether it needs to read 'revere most' instead? Maybe with a
comma afterwards? At least I had to read it half a dozend times to make
sense of it ;). Might not be as big a problem for a native speaker, and
all in all it is a truly exquisite phrase :). 

And in the same paragraph:
"[...] so that knew at once what could be done [...]".

Looks liky a 'they' is missing here.


I also have to agree with Nils. It's amazing with what original ideas
you come up in practically no time :).

Kai