ESR's intimidatingly huge turd list

[Bob Bobeck]

In order not to lose track of things, I just put together a list of my
past turds related to gut transition, butt cleanup, and TP.

11/12/2013: Tried 45 minutes grunting for something the size and shape
of a tennis ball. Did not try it to see if it bounced. Blood in the
TP. Roughly 2.6" diameter.

11/20/2013: Rolling dump from last night's hot dogs and creamed corn.
Smelled like anchovies for some reason. Haven't eaten anchovies in two
weeks. WTF? 11" x 2.25"

11/30/2013: One day after Thanksgiving dinner. I was stuffed like a
turkey. Unchewed lima beans, corn kernels present. 15" x 2.1"

12/02/2013: Likely from all the popcorn and hummus yesterday. Felt
like I was passing mashed potatoes mixed with crushed eggshells. I
should chew more. Light brown, smelled like Elmer's School Paste with
a hint of garlic. 12" x 2"

12/12/2013: Loved the zhuxiegao I ordered the other day. Pork blood
turns purple in your poop. Smelled like a women's restroom. 9" x 1.75"

12/17/2013: A semi-solid mess from a large dinner of clams and pasta
in olive oil sauce. Smelled like old seafood in a hot dumpster. Black
and brown. 8" x 1.5"

12/24/2013: X marks the spot! Crapped identical twin turds in
anticipation of Christmas. Long, light brown, smelled like regular old
poop. Probably from the entire loaf of French bread I had the other
day. 10" x 2"

12/26/2013: Oh my god. This one smelled, felt, and looked like a
greased pig. Doubtless from my Christmas ham. Huge floater, thought it
might jump out. 13" x 2.4"

01/01/2013: Reeks like rotten cabbage from last night's sauerkraut.
The thing was literally the same size and shape as a Colt M1991A
Officer's Model. Wouldn't go down, was in so much pain I threw the
fucker out the window. Happy new year!