Re: [PATCH] Quick-start guide

[John Darrington]

On Sat, Jun 04, 2016 at 01:00:17PM -0700, address@hidden wrote:
     Howdy!
     
     This is my first submission, please be gentle ;)
     
     Input is definitely welcome.


     diff --git a/doc/contributing.texi b/doc/contributing.texi
     index 208c6af..46c652f 100644
     --- a/doc/contributing.texi
     +++ b/doc/contributing.texi
     @@ -18,6 +18,7 @@ the @file{CODE-OF-CONDUCT} file in the source tree.
      @menu
      * Building from Git::           The latest and greatest.
      * Running Guix Before It Is Installed::  Hacker tricks.
     +* Quick Setup::                 The quick and easy tools
      * The Perfect Setup::           The right tools.
      * Coding Style::                Hygiene of the contributor.
      * Submitting Patches::          Share your work.
     @@ -153,6 +154,75 @@ the @file{/root/.config/guix/latest} symlink to point
     to
      @command{guix} as your user does.}
     
     
     address@hidden Quick Setup
     address@hidden Quick Setup
     +
     +So you just want the quick-and-dirty guide? Assuming you have some
     familiarity
     +with GNU/Linux systems in general and have installed one several times
     before
     +you can probably get started with a few notes while citing
     address@hidden Distribution} as necessary. As this is a quick-setup guide
     we'll use
     +some example defaults.
     +The general idea is that you will:

What is the purpose of the above paragraph?  It does not convey any information
to the reader.  Whilst  I think it is good to put the reader at ease, this is 
overdoing it.  Further, it is vague and overly conditional ("Assuming you have 
...
you can probably ...") which will make the reader feel unsure of himself.  
I would replace these three sentances by something short and to the point such 
as "Setting up Guix involves the following steps:"

     address@hidden
     address@hidden @uref{https://gnu.org/software/guix/download/, Download} 
the USB
     installer
     address@hidden Transfer the image to a USB stick (@pxref{USB Stick 
Installation})
     +using dd
     address@hidden Boot the USB stick
     address@hidden Configure @pxref{Preparing for Installation,Networking}
     address@hidden Set your @xref{Preparing for Installation,Disk Partitioning}
     +(using an msdos label instead of a gpt label might be easier at the 
moment)
     address@hidden Mount your partitions (e.g. /mnt)
     address@hidden Run (again, e.g. /mnt) @command{herd start cow-store /mnt}
     address@hidden Create a system configuration file using
     address@hidden with the Installation} and
     address@hidden the Configuration System} as guides. It is suggested to 
start
     +with the bare-bones template as you can easily re-configure your system
     +once it is up.
     address@hidden Using /mnt/root/guix_configs/config00.scm as the example 
config file
     +and /mnt as the example install mount point, run
     address@hidden system init /mnt/root/guix_configs/config00.scm /mnt}
     address@hidden Cross your fingers and grab a beer
     address@hidden If you're using reasonably new hardware and a bare-bones 
config

What do you mean by "bare-bones config" and what if the reader is not using one?
or not using new hardware?

     +then guix should be done before your beverage and you can run

Else where you have written "Guix" rather than "guix".

     address@hidden
     address@hidden itemize
     +

     +Now you should be ready to rock! 

I recommend that you avoid cliches like this.  Readers for whom English is a 
second language, may not be familiar with such expressions. It might confuse 
them.  Similarly, with "cross your fingers and grab a beer".  Instead, be 
specific and say something like: "Installation will now proceed.  It will take
several minutes. If you are using older hardware, then it may take somewhat 
longer".  And importantly, say what the user should see after the process has 
completed.

     + Don't forget to set your user passwords.

How should the reader do that?
     +
     +Of course, you're not here just to have a working system are you, you want

Punctuation.  Should read: "... are you?  You want..."

     +to dive in to the source, right? Let's take a quick look at that as well.

Again, expressions like "to dive in" might confuse some readers.

     +This guide assumes that you have at least perused @pxref{Building from
     Git}.

     +First you might want to head to
     address@hidden://git.savannah.gnu.org/cgit/guix.git, the Guix Git page} and
     browse
     +around. We're going to assume that you utilized a bare-bones config as per
     the
Who is "we" ?  Again, what if he didn't use a "bare-bones config"?

     +quick install guide above. In this short example you will be shown simply
     +how to change the release version of Guix (not something you will likely 
do
     +but an easy and fun example).
     +
     address@hidden
     address@hidden Install git in to your user's profile: @command{guix package
     --install git}
     address@hidden Create a directory for your git checkout (e.g. 
@command{mkdir
     ~/git_repos})
     address@hidden Clone the Guix repository:
     address@hidden ~/git_repos/; git clone git://git.sv.gnu.org/guix.git; cd 
guix}
     address@hidden To make the simple version change:
     address@hidden([GNU Guix], [0.10.0], [bug-guix@@gnu.org], [guix],}
     +to
     address@hidden([GNU Guix], [0.10.42], [bug-guix@@gnu.org], [guix],}
     address@hidden Check your change with: @command{git diff configure.ac}
     address@hidden Let Guix set up your Guix build
     +environment:@command{guix environment guix}
     address@hidden Build Guix:
     address@hidden/bootstrap ; ./configure --localstatedir=/var ; make}
     address@hidden Run the daemon in a pre-installation environment:
     address@hidden ./pre-inst-env guix-daemon --build-users-group=guixbuild}
     address@hidden Switch to a new terminal
     address@hidden Check the pre-installation environement daemon's version:
     address@hidden/git_repos/guix/pre-inst-env guix --version}

     address@hidden Your version output should be updated!
This sentance is not a part of the procedure.  It should appear outside of the
@itemize block

     address@hidden itemize
     +
     +
      @node The Perfect Setup
      @section The Perfect Setup
     
     
     -- 
     
        .:Justin:.

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